1880 ~ 1946
American actor, juggler,
comedian, and writer
"Don't worry about your heart, it will last you as long as
you live."
"Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against."
"I am free of all prejudices. I hate every one equally."
"I always cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food."
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and
furthermore always carry a small snake.
"I never drink water because of the disgusting things that
fish do in it."
"If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind."
"It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the
courtesy to thank her for it."
"It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money."
"Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll
expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life."
"Start every day off with a smile and get it over with."
"The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep."
"The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is
lucky to get out of it alive."
"When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a
disgrace, and death a duty."
"Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I
wouldn't want to own one."
"You can't trust water: Even a straight stick turns crooked
in it."
"Attitude is more important than the past, than education,
than money, than circumstances, than what people do or say. It is more
important than appearance, giftedness, or skill."
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